Do you feel that God will only truly love you as long as you do well and serve Him?
I was brought up to feel that I was only loved and accepted if I was a good girl and behaved as such. Yes, you guessed it… the harder I tried the more I misbehaved and the more rebellious I became. Consequently, I truly began to dislike the person that I was becoming. To make up for my insecurity and the self-hatred I tried to please people in order to be accepted by them.
I came to know Jesus when I was fifteen and by the time I was nineteen I had a great dark hole in my heart that needed to be filled with His love. Consequently, I decided to go to Bible school. I thought that maybe Jesus would love me more if I did. Then if I became a missionary, He would really be pleased with me and perhaps would love me more, and then perhaps I could accept myself better.
I did not realize in those days that the greatest competitor of love for Jesus is service. In “my book”, serving God came before loving God. I did not realize that God’s desire for me is not to do something for Him in order to be loved, but to have Him as my satisfaction and love without having to do anything for it, but just to receive His love and grace. It took me many years to be healed from this mindset of serving Him in order to be loved by Him. Oh, but once I knew the freedom of His love, the floodgates of heaven flowed over me and now I can freely give away His unconditional love to others without expecting anything in return. Praise His name!
We need to be greatly aware of anything that competes with loving Him, for that is a trap the enemy wants to set for us. We will be used by God as we love Him with a devotion that comes from His own heart.
Service in His Kingdom must be the overflow of our love for Him and an echo of our identification with God resulting in a supernatural walk of life. Jesus Himself served with great humility; it flowed from His inner being. It was His nature to serve, because he had heard the love call of His Father.
God Himself has imparted His divine nature in us, so we can serve Him without being noticed by anybody or without fanfare and praise from man. His specialty is to bless us with Himself and that is enough.
Sometimes this is a long process of pressure and discipline, but eventually we become like diamonds. During this mode we are being metamorphosed from a piece of coal to a beautiful diamond setting that can shine His love and be of service to others. I hear Jesus say,” I often allow pressure to come your way. This may seem like a burden to you, but I am asking you to let Me carry your load, for I am well able to give you My grace during times of crushing while I form your godly character to become hardened to trials and become beautiful in appearance.”
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Drawn by God
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